Operation DIPSET pt.4

I stepped over some baby poop after climbing a set of stairs back onto the main road, to find Foreign Teacher A playing with a police styled baton at a street vendor across the road.

Me: What are you doing!

Foreign Teacher A: “Where were you?”

Me: “Buying some notebooks, binders, and shit. When do your classes start?”

Foreign Teacher A: “Cool, I got about an hour. You’ve been out here for a while; I came out to check up on you.”

Me: “Aw, how sweet. You missed me?”

Foreign Teacher A: “Fuck off. I’m bored, anyways what’s going on with you and blondie?”

Me: “She wants my gentleman sausage… Jealous?”

Foreign Teacher A: “A little…” -.-

Me: …….. -.-

“Hahahahaha! Let’s have a quick smoke and get back to work, ok? Pass the light.”

I didn’t have any classes today, it was my “office hours day.” For those of you who aren’t aware “office hours” means hours that you sit in an office and do absolutely nothing. The purpose of “office hours” is for the school to have a white foreigner who’s visibly pretending to work when prospective students and parents come to visit the school.

Alternatively, you can use this time to prepare your classes if your work load is heavy; mine wasn’t. You can find many gigs similar to this in China as a small second source of income; they call it “Rent a white boy.” You’ll sit in an office and play games on a computer, or attend business meetings exclusively in Chinese (they will supply you with a suit, transport, dinner and drinks; your job is to sit there and smile).

Anyways, I decided to sit through some of Foreign Teacher A’s class while I waited for the mystery rep to meet me outside of the school at 18:00.

Foreign Teacher A’s classes were pleasant to sit through, as he had a good rapport with his students. I absorbed a lot of his techniques over the course of my time working with him, and appreciated his mentoring/ friendship.


Crazy Georgia pt.1


Me: “Fuck.. What time is it?”

Summer: “11:30.”

Me: “Thank the fucking lord… Order some Mcdonalds.”

Summer: “What you want?”

Me: “Well it’s the day before Christmas eve, so get me 3 double cheese burgers, 1 big mac, some mcnuggets, and a mcflurry. Order whatever you want; I’m going to make some coffee, you want?

Summer: “Yea…”

Me: “You want whiskey in it?”

Summer: “Ugh.”

Me: “I’m going to spike you, regarless of what you say.”

Summer: “Mcdonalds will be here in 40 minutes, come cuddle.”

I collapsed onto the bed beside her, as the water boiled. She wrapped the loose bed sheets around herself, climbed on top of me and whispered into my ear “I am going to miss you baby.” I rolled her off of me and remarked “I wish I could say the same” as I sauntered across the balcony butt naked into the kitchen.

My head was banging; I knew she was sitting there across the balcony in the bedroom patiently waiting for me to come back with some sweet talk, as I double spiked my coffee. I took a sip, walked into the bathroom and gracefully aimed around the toilet bowl. I wasn’t concerned, the cleaning lady was coming today and Summer was too far gone from last night to notice something like that.

I stumbled back into the kitchen, grabbed both cups of coffee and placed them on the balcony rail. I stood at the rail for a moment, mentally preparing my mind and drunk “gentleman sausage” (as my Hungarian brosef would refer to it) to bang summer into a coma as I didn’t hear a peep from her across the balcony. She was a very sensitive English groupie.

I poked my head into the bedroom, to find her passed out in bed. I had a soft spot for this Chinese girl even though she had a history of being an English groupie. Needless to say, I polished off both cups of coffee and a couple smokes on the balcony as she slept in harmony.

I joined her in bed, wrapped my arm under her, and laid her head on my chest. My eye’s shut…

Summer was my “girlfriend” at the time, she liked having that title; but I’m sure she knew deep down that is was just an extended fling. She’d leave her clothes at my pad; I made a special box for her clothes, and I’d redistribute her stuff around my apartment in the spots she last left her articles of clothes every time she came over.

Summer was going back to her hometown to visit her family for the Christmas holidays. Meanwhile, I was stuck working at this shit hole in Hangzhou throughout the Christmas Holidays. I knew I was in for a crazy ride over the next week, but Crazy Georgia made this Christmas the most memorable Christmas of my life.