The Asshole Method: Money Management

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Asshole’s see things for what they are, and the fact of the matter is that most of you suck at managing your money, here’s why:

You’ve been desensitized to the value of money. When you look at a price tag you just see a number, instead of the hours of work required to obtain that shiny object on the shelf.

You’re overwhelmed by all the stuff you need to track such as bills, emergencies, day-day purchases, and treating yourself all while maintaining a balanced budget.

I know you know someone with similar circumstances as you, and their life is overwhelmed by massive credit card debt. The reason why comes down to a foolish belief system, which some of you may be trapped in.

Foolish belief #1: “Who cares about credit card debt, I live for today, and these things make me so happy!”

Garbage manufactured in China or Bangladesh or wherever, will not provide you with any fulfillment. Asshole’s know that the only way to elevate the amount of happiness in life is to tweak your personal and world views.

Foolish belief #2: “It doesn’t matter if I splurge on things I don’t have money for right now, because I’ll be balling eventually.”

Asshole’s know that there’s a higher likelihood that you won’t be “balling eventually” and that you’ll be unemployed. But let’s assume that you are “balling” one year from now; this foolish belief guarantees that you’ll continuously increase your spending, and remain in debt for a long time to come. Asshole’s don’t spend money they don’t have.

Foolish belief #3: “I want everyone to recognize how accomplished I am.”

Asshole’s aren’t insecure, unfortunately you may be. Luckily I’m here to help you scrap this belief so you don’t spend the rest of your life trying to keep up with others, all while sinking into more debt like quick sand. Asshole’s have come to accept that there will always be someone who has more.

The Asshole method will make staying on top of your money very easy, as you’ll start to do the right things without questioning yourself. I’m not a finance literature buff, but I’m capable of saving a sizable portion of my small income as I’ve adopted a powerful belief system.

If you have $60 in your wallet, two days later you’ll wonder where it went. If you purchase a big bottle of cologne, you’ll inevitable use more of it than if you had bought a smaller bottle; the same applies to a bottle of liquor, cigarettes, pot and so on; whatever you guys do. This is the belief that demand increases to fill supply. If your brain is aware that something is there, I can almost certainly promise you that it will find a way to consume it.

As an Ex-Costco employee, I can tell you in confidence that this company and similar ones will exist for a long time to come as people really believe they’re saving money when they buy in bulk. A lot of these dumb ass’s just see the cost-per-unit price and then toss a massive jar of nutella into their cart. As we covered earlier, they will now use a lot more nutella because their brain knows there’s a crap ton of it. There’s no need to buy more than a week’s worth of crap unless a hurricane is coming. Last time I checked there’s no sign of a natural disaster on the horizon.

Asshole’s are hyper aware that other asshole’s are trying to brainwash them into believing that buying in mass bulk makes total financial sense. This other breed of asshole is trying to prevent you from saving money. They’re hyper aware that larger sizes benefit them, and if that wasn’t the case the sales of bulk would be non-existent. Typically the way things work, is the dumb ass’s will consume more or throw away an unethical amount, and then go back like zombies and buy more because they’ve been brainwashed into believing they’re saving money. Meanwhile these corporate asshole’s are laughing at your expense, while watching their money pile up to the sky.

The flip side to The Asshole Method belief system is that if you restrict supply, the demand will inevitably decrease. For example, if you invest a large portion of your next paycheck into savings before getting your meaty paws on it, you have absolutely no choice but to restrict your spending until your next paycheck comes in. Simple eh?

Remember: Never bank on waiting until the end of a month to save what’s left over; I can almost guarantee there will be nothing left.

How to reinforce The Asshole Method belief system?

I use a system called the Net Worth tracker, and it’s very practical; all you need is a small note book and a pen. It’s almost impossible and impractical to track every dollar you spend, so I’ve adopted this method which is highlighted in a small book called A Million Bucks by 30: How to overcome a crap job, stingy parents, and a useless degree to become a millionaire before turning 30 – Alan Corey.

Implementation of this simple method allows you to track your net worth progress from week to week, and I can promise you will become obsessed with adjusting your spending habits in order to raise your total net worth from paycheck to paycheck. The asshole gains satisfaction from working less than his peers, all while watching his portfolio grow at a more rapid rate.

The Asshole Method identifies that strategy makes more sense than simply working your fingers to the bone.

The Net Worth Tracker System:

Step 1: Get yourself a small notebook and a pen.

Step 2: Locate all current asset’s including the dime’s and nickel’s on your night table.

Step 3: Set up your first page as seen below:

Thursday August 27, 2015

Cash:

Checking:

Second Checking:

Credit Limit:

Debt:

Stocks:

TFSA:

RRSP:

Pension Plan:

Total Net worth:

Note: I’m aware that not everyone will have the same assets, although I’ve found this to be the ultimate plan. Asshole’s spread their money out – Dumb ass’s put all their eggs in one basket.

Step 4: Fill in each section.

Step 5: Add up all your assets, excluding Credit Limit and Debt.

Step 6: Subtract your debt from the above total.

Good job, you’ve successfully calculated your Net Worth. The point of this is to update your Net Worth Tracker book on a weekly basis. Over a short time span you will automatically start to adjust your spending habits, as you are now more aware of where your money is going. The goal is to have a higher net worth come your next paycheck than you had on your previous one. This cycle helps to develop good spending habits and financial decision making. Over the course of a couple months you may no longer need this aid, but I’ve found it integral to financial freedom even if only updated once a month.

Don’t be that high and mighty idiot who works 40 hour’s a week and spends most of his paycheck before receiving it. Be the Asshole who works less, spends less, and strategically uses his money as leverage.