The letter she wrote pt. 3/3 from “I hate to hate you”

But, fear cannot be divided – there is only one kind that truly exists and it dare not move away from its own patterns of thinking. Until we free ourselves from FEAR itself, we will continue to live in the darkness. Not just in love but all aspects of life. Where there is any cause of fear – there is an ending. And as long as we run from it we increase it.

Originally, I was going to write about the following:

  • What I want for you
  • Where to go from here
  • Why I was so upset

But I felt I would take a different approach.

Ian, I can’t show the beautiful person you are if you refuse to even see it. Time will allow or the undressing of your true self as it continues to evolve. I can’t tell you to let out something that you don’t want to feel. I hope you give it that chance one day to show you what things could be – but as long as you hold powerful thoughts towards why you don’t want to, you will always remind yourself what will happen “if you fall in that trap again.” 

Why do we live in fear for the slight chance of something bad happening where there is a 99% chance that something good might just happen.

It is only when thought is present is there fear.

This applies to everyone on this planet, and I know that the day you decide to let go and “view the world before it made you feel numb” I’ll be there. Not because you are doing anything for me, but for you. Because I don’t know a lot about the fine print details of your past. But I know you deserve the best. The truth is, you and I, will always hold a piece of each other. That piece that never ever gives up. That part that forever connects us – the part that always has since the beginning. And I will always love you Ian. You were the beginning of my experiences with guys, you are the first person I ever trusted with my feelings and my heart.

I don’t know what the future holds but I do know this – We need each other. Not out of weakness, but out of strength. And I do believe you and I will fall again. Perhaps in another 8 years, or maybe 8 years after that. Maybe we never get it right. As long as I get to love you until the end, well, I guess that might be enough for me. (even if you never truly know it)

You are my drug and always have been. And I’m pretty sure you always will be.

PS. No need to respond. This is simply what I had to say. If you decide to keep me at a distance, that is your choice. But I’ll always be around if you were to change your mind. Enjoy life Ian. It is no short ride but a long adventure.

I love you.

Read “I hate to hate you” here: I hate to hate you: Part 1/3