The Bonsai Tree

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I would like to start our new fiscal year with a short story.

I’ve never been one to appreciate or see the beauty in nature, however I was recently reminded of something that I now hold dear to me. My Mother showed me my old room over skype on New years day. To no surprise, it had been converted into a storage room for old furniture and picture frames. As my Mother turned back towards the foyer, I asked her to stop.

Mom: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “The bonsai tree.”

Mom: “What about it?”

Me: “Can you bring me closer to it?”

Mom: (Chuckle) “Sure. You remember she gave this to you before you left? I haven’t moved it, and I’ve taken care of it ever since.”

Me: “Heh.. Cool, cool…”

Mom: “Do you miss her?”

Me: “Nah… I just want to look at this, that’s all.”

I don’t know what has gotten into me, but before this day I had never taken the time to examine and notice all of the small details of this tree. From its foliage, to its strong trunk, to how tightly packed the soil is.

After I had gotten off of skype with my parents, the image of the Bonsai tree by my window sill was stuck in my head. Even though it was still small, I knew that it took years for it to get to its current state. I sat on my couch thinking about this tree for over an hour.

I felt so peaceful thinking about it, because it’s as if it has seen so much yet it isn’t bothered by what’s going on around it. It’s not worried about the chaotic nature of life. It doesn’t have a care in the world, and one day it will die as gracefully as the day it came into being.

I hope to get closer to the same nature as my Bonsai tree in this new year.

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SHAME

Shame

He says he’s the opposite of gay, whatever that means. If seeing the imprint of a woman’s vajj through some tight ass short shorts, or a tight booty under a mini skirt is a turn off for you bro… SHAME… You’re a disappointment to all mankind. May all chauvinistic pigs like myself enjoy the below.

Dear Students

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To my Chinese students:

You rugrats are fucking annoying, and I’ve wanted to dedicate a special post about you little fuckers for a while now. Before any of you bleeding souls jump off your high horse to attack me, know that I love these little turds like family.

#1: You suck ass at drawing.

I could draw a better dog than you with my left foot after a week long bender on blow, booze, and acid in 30 seconds. Just wanted to clear the air on that.

#2: I’m lying when I say you’re fast or strong.

I have a couple secrets for all of you… When you beat me in an arm wrestle or race, it’s because I let you win. I could beat you in either while reading a book. And FYI when you punch my arm and I yell “OWW OWW OWW,” I don’t even feel it. If I punched you, you’d fly all the way to Canada.

#3: You creep me out.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve told you guys to stop hitting, spitting, or pissing on each other and you guys still do it. The worst part is when one of your classmates are crying because of one of your stupid actions, you act like you don’t know what you did wrong.

Me: “Tony, you didn’t know that peeing on Kevin’s pants is bad?”

Tony: “No.”

#4: You think I’m stupid.

No you’re stupid, times infinite and BEYOND.

Love,

SC Teacher

WOMEN & TATTOOS

Disclaimer 1: For the purposes of this post, all the names and identities of the people depicted have been protected. Contact smokencanvas@outlook.com for inquiries. The inquiry guideline is located on our contact- submit content- donate page.

Disclaimer 2: Sharing opinions of your own that are different to the mass majority can be dangerous. Do not attempt to duplicate a post like this if you’re in school, or are reliant on your job as a main source of income.

Pretext:

My opinion hurt a lot of feelings, and bruised some fragile egos. Half fags, and self conscious women lashed out at me.

My incapability of not stating facts or opinions that go against the grain of the ridiculously open minded western dystopia a lot of us live in, has historically gotten me into a lot of trouble. I’ve spent years of my life that i’ll never get back, silent…

In fear that I’d be kicked off of college campus. In fear that I’d be wrongfully fired from my job, and lose my main source of income for exercising my right to free speech. In fear of people lying about me, and making false accusations.

Today is a special day at smokencanvas, we’re turning over a new leaf. With minimal sources of income being controlled by others, it’s impossible for our major sources of income to be taken away, and we want to thank those of you who’ve donated to us.

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It’s true.

Graffitied and obstinate:

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You should thank me for whiting out these faces.

White Knight:

The identity of this individual has been fully protected, as there was no serious damage done. We’ll let his crime of shamelessly jumping to the aid of women who’re  rightfully being bashed, pass this time.

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Demanding the stats:

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We provided the facts, and because we stand by high quality we went a step further; we provided peer-reviewed studies that are published in scientific journals.

The links are listed below:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22153289

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22616886

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22726901

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22616886

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1781185

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22153289

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12042538

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15119003

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24926092

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1781185

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080715204734.htm

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12042538

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19651696

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23938068

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22153289

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12042538

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2333825

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15119003

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12042538

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22726901

When faced with only a few of these facts they make faces, and silently retreat back to their “safe space.”

When all else fails:

Untitled10Haha yup, they resort to this. Words are just words; they have the right to say anything they want about me, as  I have the right to share ideas or opinions that you may deem to be wrong or bogus.

Conclusion:

Cold-blooded scientists confirm our ideas to be valid. As an added bonus, here’s a study that confirms tattooed women to be slutty, heavy drinkers, and unattractive in comparison to their counterparts.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18089280

The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Shawn Avery

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We meet again… Smokencanvas has had the pleasure of working with this fine gentleman a couple years ago, when we were slaving away at a regional newspaper company.

My name is Shawn Avery, and I’m frickin awesome! I’m Asperger’s syndrome positive; I deal with mild anxiety and depression, you got a problem with that? I didn’t think so… 🙂

Life sucked as a youth, but I’m here to tell you how I flipped everything over on its head to my benefit! I’m badass, and cooler than you. Continue reading and you’ll soon learn why ;-).

It all started eleven months after the day I was born; I reacted the same way a dog with storm phobia reacts to storms, and the occasional loud noise etc. gunshots, fireworks.

My parents played a vital role in assisting me to overcome these fears as a child, just to endure my next set of challenges “bullies.”

The memories of you, haunt me in my sleep from time to time. We’ll call them “nightmares,” that I wish I could erase from my memory bank.

“I double dare you to overstep your boundaries again. Screw it, I triple dare you. You know who you are.”

I’m like any other man, I HATE change! I like my steak cooked medium well, my beer ice cold, and my pillow nice and fluffy before I cozy up in bed! Can you really blame me for being irritated by one of my elementary school teachers changing up the cycle?

“Every Tuesday for the past eight weeks, class has started with Miss.****** says. This Tuesday we’re starting class with hang man!”

Needless to say, the school system identified some changes in my behavior as I got older.

I was observed by some “shrinks” who identified that I don’t socialize normally, and don’t understand all social cues. They call this “Asperger’s syndrome” (slow clap for the shrinks).

To be frank, I am different. My brain works differently, I’m a genius in disguise. I walk differently, it’s called “swagger.” And regardless of my shaky balance, I have zero interest in participating in athletic activities that require me to engage in what appears to be homo-erotic activity from a birds eye view.

I’m so intelligent, the education system skipped me over one grade into high-school ;-)! Although the “bullying” persisted, I was welcomed with open arms into the high-school via the teachers department, and a few students who hold a special place in my heart.

“You’re the one’s that made my high-school experience memorable. I love all of you unconditionally.”

NEWS FEED!

I graduated from a prestige college, and against all odds I’M GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD!

My social network has grown immensely, and my social skills have sky rocketed. “Ladies be on the lookout! I’m the man of the hour (wink wink).”

I’ve found my passion, and I’m going to chase it viciously like a lion pursues zebras, giraffe’s and buffalo as prey.

Want to know more? Ask me!

Contact me @ william6543@hotmail.com

Special shout-out: “We remain in contact to this day. You’re one of the only one’s who stood up for me. I will never forget you.”

To whom this may concern: Bully Shawn on social media again, and we will defame you. We will expose you. Your name will be the top result on Google via Smokencanvas :-D. We will make it near impossible for you to find future employment. – Smokencanvas

Smokencanvas VS China

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Bro… You’re not used to holding that much wood in your hands… After all you’re Chinese 🙂

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I really need to take a dump.

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Dear Buddah, I want a new bicycle, a hula hoop, and Donald Trump to win the presidential election.

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I SMELL PUSSY!!!

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Hangzhou’s newest Mcdonald’s branch.

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Do you see what I see? Yeah… That’s piss…

 

“The Rules”

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If you’re a limp wrist pansy that believes the correct path to obtaining all of your wants is by following “the rules,” you’ve come to the right place. Get ready for a big cock slap across the face…

I don’t have a phd nor am I an intellect, however I’ve been wary of the most important rule of the universe since adolescence. Ready for it? Here it comes…

THE CHOSEN FEW THAT BREAK ALL OF THE RULES, GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT.

Tomorrow morning you’ll likely stroll into your lame workplace with a horrible hangover, *sigh* and go about your boring opening duties in a lifeless manner. However painfully deafening this may be, I want you to listen closely to everything your co-workers say throughout the day.

You’ll inevitably hear the following echo about a thousand times; “I do everything I’m supposed to do and more! I’m always in the line of fire, and things never go my way. That guy doesn’t do anything he’s supposed to do, and everything always seems to go his way! What the hell?!”

I would like to take a moment to raise my glass to my fellow comrades who are identified as “that guy.” *CHEERS*

If your position on gaining respect aligns with following “the rules,” I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news… PSYCH!!! I’m not sorry, stop being a pussy; following “the rules” is for bitches. The select few that go their own way and carve their own paths to greatness, are the only ones who obtain respect; They’re the only people worthy, and deserving of respect.

Your hero’s, and those that you idolize never voluntarily bent over and allowed societal rules/ norms to penetrate them. Your idols and hero’s raised their middle fingers to the masses, and told society where to stick their prescribed course of action.

They never went to university/ college, to obtain a safe degree, with the possibility of becoming a corporate slave. They were bold, they did what they wanted to do, and their chosen course of action payed off in ways only imaginable to you.

It doesn’t matter if you want to live like Dan Bilzerian, or locate location fulfillment.

It’s imperative that you live by your own set of rules. Everything that you’ve read, heard, seen and been taught is wrong. It’s all lies and jibber jabber.

The next time some pretentious fag tells you what the rules are, do the opposite.