To my Chinese students:
You rugrats are fucking annoying, and I’ve wanted to dedicate a special post about you little fuckers for a while now. Before any of you bleeding souls jump off your high horse to attack me, know that I love these little turds like family.
#1: You suck ass at drawing.
I could draw a better dog than you with my left foot after a week long bender on blow, booze, and acid in 30 seconds. Just wanted to clear the air on that.
#2: I’m lying when I say you’re fast or strong.
I have a couple secrets for all of you… When you beat me in an arm wrestle or race, it’s because I let you win. I could beat you in either while reading a book. And FYI when you punch my arm and I yell “OWW OWW OWW,” I don’t even feel it. If I punched you, you’d fly all the way to Canada.
#3: You creep me out.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve told you guys to stop hitting, spitting, or pissing on each other and you guys still do it. The worst part is when one of your classmates are crying because of one of your stupid actions, you act like you don’t know what you did wrong.
Me: “Tony, you didn’t know that peeing on Kevin’s pants is bad?”
#4: You think I’m stupid.
No you’re stupid, times infinite and BEYOND.