The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Shawn Avery


We meet again… Smokencanvas has had the pleasure of working with this fine gentleman a couple years ago, when we were slaving away at a regional newspaper company.

My name is Shawn Avery, and I’m frickin awesome! I’m Asperger’s syndrome positive; I deal with mild anxiety and depression, you got a problem with that? I didn’t think so… 🙂

Life sucked as a youth, but I’m here to tell you how I flipped everything over on its head to my benefit! I’m badass, and cooler than you. Continue reading and you’ll soon learn why ;-).

It all started eleven months after the day I was born; I reacted the same way a dog with storm phobia reacts to storms, and the occasional loud noise etc. gunshots, fireworks.

My parents played a vital role in assisting me to overcome these fears as a child, just to endure my next set of challenges “bullies.”

The memories of you, haunt me in my sleep from time to time. We’ll call them “nightmares,” that I wish I could erase from my memory bank.

“I double dare you to overstep your boundaries again. Screw it, I triple dare you. You know who you are.”

I’m like any other man, I HATE change! I like my steak cooked medium well, my beer ice cold, and my pillow nice and fluffy before I cozy up in bed! Can you really blame me for being irritated by one of my elementary school teachers changing up the cycle?

“Every Tuesday for the past eight weeks, class has started with Miss.****** says. This Tuesday we’re starting class with hang man!”

Needless to say, the school system identified some changes in my behavior as I got older.

I was observed by some “shrinks” who identified that I don’t socialize normally, and don’t understand all social cues. They call this “Asperger’s syndrome” (slow clap for the shrinks).

To be frank, I am different. My brain works differently, I’m a genius in disguise. I walk differently, it’s called “swagger.” And regardless of my shaky balance, I have zero interest in participating in athletic activities that require me to engage in what appears to be homo-erotic activity from a birds eye view.

I’m so intelligent, the education system skipped me over one grade into high-school ;-)! Although the “bullying” persisted, I was welcomed with open arms into the high-school via the teachers department, and a few students who hold a special place in my heart.

“You’re the one’s that made my high-school experience memorable. I love all of you unconditionally.”


I graduated from a prestige college, and against all odds I’M GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD!

My social network has grown immensely, and my social skills have sky rocketed. “Ladies be on the lookout! I’m the man of the hour (wink wink).”

I’ve found my passion, and I’m going to chase it viciously like a lion pursues zebras, giraffe’s and buffalo as prey.

Want to know more? Ask me!

Contact me @

Special shout-out: “We remain in contact to this day. You’re one of the only one’s who stood up for me. I will never forget you.”

To whom this may concern: Bully Shawn on social media again, and we will defame you. We will expose you. Your name will be the top result on Google via Smokencanvas :-D. We will make it near impossible for you to find future employment. – Smokencanvas


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